So, I've been watching a lot of television since my most recent knee-related surgical intervention (the Demerol allows me the temporary delusion that I don't USUALLY watch several hours of television per night) , and since I watch almost nothing but cabl--specifically TNT, USA, Bravo, MSNBC and truTV--, I see a lot of second tier advertising, and the product of the moment seems to be Barack Obama plates and coins. Who, pray tell, is buying the multitudes of dollars, half dollars and other Liberian legal tender brandished with full color images of Barack Obama? I say multitudes, but that might be hyperbole on my part since the ever-so persuasive voiceover man assures me that there will only be "65 firing days before the molds are destroyed"--this has such an air of finality to it, don't you think? I suppose it's supposed to make me frantically pick up the phone and get my order in before the chance has passed...hold it. I just took a moment and did the math and the 65th day passed sometime around January 8 or 9...that makes the end of days for ordering seem that much nearer.

Sidenote: I'm not very good at exact numbers, which should demonstrate exactly why I suck ass in the math department, forgive me, Joy Parker, please, forgive me. It's not your fault. I blame Mr. Anthony and his constant threats about "building a barn" as he thwacked his paddle menacingly his hand that basically caused me to go into total mental shutdown when I walked into math class in 5th grade...and wtf did "building a barn" mean, exactly?

Anyway, middle school moment aside, what to do, what to do. I'm as big a fan of Obama as the next person...okay, not Kari because she harbors unclean thoughts about him, but the average fiscally conservative, socially liberal, almost-middle-aged, suburban America old, fat white chick, and for the life of me I can't figure out what the draw is. Not even the promise of receiving a signed Certificate of Authenticity AND an attractive bonus display stand can make me take the plunge and plunk down the $19.99 required to hang Obama on china on my dining room wall. This is me assuming, of course, that one displays decorative political dishware in one's dining room. And does the certificate ensure the plate will hold its resale value on the resale market? And is there a viable secondary market for Obamania plates and coins? I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on the present-day equivalent to the Apple IPO. Will I be kicking myself for not securing a piece of American history?

Sweet Jesus, hold the phone, I've found the motherlode! A website that sells both 'collectibles of the highest quality", the coin AND The Historic Victory Plate, which features

a priceless work of art featuring the triumphant President-Elect surrounded by the American flag and spectacular fireworks celebration.

Well, if the fireworks don't seal the deal for you, then you're just unAmerican (not a big threat for many of you since according to various folks on FOX, you're already unAmerican because you voted for Obama and against the constitution, the flag (pins and all) and Jesus). Keep in mind that "due to the unprecedented demand there is a strict limit of two per caller, so give your kids the CC# and a phone so they can get their orders in quick, too. Oh, damn, all sarcasm aside, I see that the website has the "As Seen on TV" logo and that gives me pause. While others may mock and jeer, I'm a longtime fan of the ASOTV products...old-time friends may remember the Pasta Pro Cooker that Five gave me when he was about 7 and, say what you want, the most ingenious personal grooming product of the 21st century, the Ped Egg, is a staple in the ASOTV catalog of fine products. Could the plate and coin REALLY be that bad after all? Perhaps they ARE truly a deal to be considered?......oh, wait...

This first collectors issue plate celebrates with the inscription "Change Has Come" scripted in 22K Gold text. The back displays the seal of the American Historic Society and documents the historic electoral and popular vote totals on election day.

And like that, the bloom is off the rose. Dear Mr. Marketing Director for the American historic Society, if you can't use apostrophes correctly? Don't expect me to take your investment advice seriously.

Labels: burning questions, linkage, politics, television

I was a fan of TS from the very earilest days...and then they lost Ty and brought in new designers that I wasn't crazy about and had that horrible spin off Boy vs Girls and the family version, etc. Getting rid of Paige was the final straw, although I admit that I'd long since quit watching at that point.

Well, I saw that Paige was coming back, so today I tuned in to an episode on one of the digital cable channels...D-something. I was happy to see she was on this one, but almost immediately I realized that TS has sort of lost its oooomph for me.

The obviously scripted/prompted discussions are annoying and fake.

I do not like the new designers--Kia (is that her name?) and Edward. Blech.

I hate, hate, hate a theme room...who the FUCK would want a pyramid a la Egypt in their bedroom? Especially when the rest of the house is already done very tastefully and classicly? EGYPT?

Even the discussions with Amy Wynn are missing something. It just doesn't have the same panache that it used to. I fear that Trading Spaces is dead to me and that is sort of sad....and it really makes me long for the days when BBCAmerica would show my all-time favorite home show, Changing Rooms. Is that one even still on? I need to go check because I'm not going to be watching this drek anymore.

Labels: television

things i enjoy:

1. bananas
2. whole wheat baguettey french bread from kroger
3. max factor volume couture mascara in soft black or auburn
4. cheese
5. flip flops
6. laminating
7. sharp scissors
8. cheap bottled water from aldi
9. maroon 5
10. muscle sculpting classes at the Y
11. digital cameras
12. pedicures
13. cinnamon graham crackers
14. short hair
15. hot tubs
16. boats
17. banana boat sunscreen spray
18. ipod
19. dvr'd top chef and the closer
20. a well written sentence
21. london and new york
22. hair straightening products and utensils
23. myspace surveys
24. stila tinted moisturizer
25. cold zin
26. lavendar and maroon
27. blogs
28. freshmen
29. wedge sandals
30. grilled chicken

things i hate:

1. sweating in the car
2. leg cramps
3. yaz birth control pills
4. protein shakes
5. squash
6. putting away laundry
7. torturous undies
8. shaving my legs
9. 'pro' wrestling
10. senior girls with attitude
11. smelly middle schoolers
12. frigging legos
13. step aerobics
14. bad local commercials
15. morons on message boards
16. spammers on myspace
17. balancing my checking accounts
18. being late
19. being so far away from friends
20. dog hair
21. spider veins
22. hangnails
23. woody allen movies
24. road contruction
25. drunken neighbors
26. cartoons
27. arm fat
28. run on sentences
29. holy rollers
30. getting old

Labels: English, fashion, food, getting old, imaginary friends, inebriation, makeup, meme, physical exertion, ramble, stupid normal people, television, travel, who doesn't love a list

my brain is too fried to focus on one topic, so i'm just going to sort of release the pressure.

1. school starts tomorrow and i have a small bitchy rant. i had the cutest outfit planned to wear for registration day--it's a short day for kids and i can change after they leave. i was going to wear my cute new skirt from target (susan knows the one) and a black tee and my favorite black wedges. very professional and cute and summery. on friday i found out that we are expected to wear a school t-shirt to make the faculty more visible. like i was going to get lost in a high school with less than 200 students? where i've taught for twelve years? where my homeroom students haven't changed from last year? where maaaaybe ten parents will show up in grades 9-12 and need to talk to a teacher? so, the cute outfit is scrapped and i get to wear a gray-tshirt with school crap on it (it's not even cute) and jeans. i don't have a clue what shoes to wear now--my tennies are brown, mywedges are too dressy, obviously, and old navy flip flops are almost too low and make me walk on my hem in the jeans. pisses me off.
2. our internet is so slow, i swear dial-up would smoke past it. charter said it was probably the modem, so we bought a new modem. still creeping along at the speed of molasses. neither of us will be home this week, so who knows when we'll be able to get a service call. pisses me off, too. more than the clothes thing.
3. some friends of ours are having marital problems--probably divorcing. i've never really understood how they ended up married in the first place. i've never known a couple that was so drastically and totally opposite. night/day and then some. do you think that opposites attract? i do, actually. i think there is something inherently interesting and exciting about connecting with someone for reasons other than the typical common interests or background, etc.; however, they are such an extreme that i can't even see where the common thread could have ever been.
4. i love pringles. they have no nutritional value and aren't even real chips, but i enjoy them tremendously.
5. i have spent entirely too much money and time on underwear lately. i am on a quest to find comfortable panties--i've tried several styles and i'm just NOT loving any of them: boy brief, hipster, low rise, low cut. i swear, what does it take to make a pair of underwear that doesn't hang out the top of my pants nor ride up my butt nor put seams in uncomfortable places? sheesh.
6. i'm eagerly awaiting the new matt damon movie, the bourne ultimatum. i have been watching the bourne supremecy on dvr. i have the bourne identity on dvd. love matt damon and love the series. it will be a nice back-to-school treat for me.
7. i do not have killer abs. i will never have killer abs. i go to a class called killer abs and i enjoy it muchly. it's futile, though, rather like banging one's head, or abs, against the wall, i suppose.
8. i'm watching shark and tonight's episode is about a madam. i find it utterly ridiculous that prostitution is illegal.
9. i need to color my hair. i have no idea what color i want to use--i'm sort of sick of the same old red. may do more blonde this time, just for the hell of it while i'm tan.
10. do you have one person that you use as your 'confessor'? a person that you can tell anything without any qualms? other than a spouse or s.o., of course. i think everyone needs a friend like that. i feel very lucky.
11. just to make it odd and get outside my comfort box, i'm going to add an 11. did you know that you can pre-order wheezy's book?

Labels: fashion, friends in general, physical exertion, relationships, television, who doesn't love a list, work stuff

Labels: hair stuff, narcotics, pain in general, physical exertion, ramble, television, who doesn't love a list

is on tonight. in about eight minutes. why are you reading this? go watch it!!!!

Labels: television

I've spent my Sunday watching E!. This includes, but it not limited to True Hollywood Story: Mean Girls (I've never seen this movie), Hip Hop Wives, Talk Soup and now, Rock Star Daughters. I think I can feel my brain solidifying even as I type.

What I should be doing is cleaning my house and sorting out winter vs. summer clothes. Naturally, I am not. Well, I am a little bit, but not very much. My goal is to have all the clean clothes put away by bedtime. Anything over that will be domestic gravy.

Labels: mindless entertainment, ramble, television