and no, smartasses, that is NOT my picture (i can already hear w. and others plotting out the comments before they've read the first word).

it's been awhile since i was absolutely just flat-out bitchy and mean and rude and holier-than-thou and snobby here (in life, i think it's been maybe 3 hours, give or take). i've been a kinder, gentler kim. but then, i saw something on myspace that just REQUIRED me to embrace my true self. it would be criminal to let this gem slide by without sharing it with those who will appreciate it as much as i did.

so, with that, please take a moment to check out the photo at right, or view the complete profile entitled: Lord Have Mercy, Mom Got Her Blue Jeans On . the user in the photo is named cassandra, she's 37, and she lives in the carpet capital of the world, dalton, ga.

Disclaimers:

1. i did not commit that unfortunate little syntax error in the title--she did. i find it amusing, though, since it completely changes the meaning of the title. and frankly, i think god may have had to intervene to make those jeans button...at least the god of lycra.

2. i don't know this person. she is the friend of a particularly skeevy man who messaged me via myspace to tell me that i 'have sexy eyes'. again, amusing since i have sunglasses on in my profile, but i guess he looked at my photo albums, which gives me hives. and the urge to use clorox on my eyes.

3. be sure to read the comments on the picture if you have a myspace account. they add to the merriment.

Commentary:

1. note the belly tatoo. i say that as if you could possibly miss it.

2. note that her shirt almost looks as if it, too, is some sort of weird full-torso tatoo.

3. note that the socks absolutely MAKE that outfit, don't you think. i can't even imagine what shoes she is going to use to accessorize.

4. note the odd, symmetrical, a-cat-tried-to-climb-her-thighs claw mark runs front and center. why? love of god, WHY would those be put there intentionally? and i can't even discuss the bleached skid marks highlighting her thighs.

5. note that this woman is younger than i am, yet looks old enough to be buggy's older cousin.

6. note the decorative broom in the background and please tell me wtf it has adorning it?

7. note the presence of a white, plastic pool chair in the extreme right of the photo. wouldn't you crop out the use of exterior plastics if you were posting a picture of your home on the internet? yes????

then, if you can stand it? you can go check out what i'm going to refer to as Cassandra: Lady in Red and again, myspace users, the comments from other users absolutely MAKE this one.

i'd offer more commentary, but frankly, i don't have that kind of time.

Labels: myspace commentary, snark